Talk To Them

Relationships are really hard.

I have the hardest time with saying what’s on my mind. What’s bothering me about a person.

That behavior they do that has been going on for so long that it’s part of their codebase. How do I speak up about it and address it? How do you tell them to change?

Maybe it’ll embarass them, or make them feel insecure.

That’s the little behavior – what about the big point of view they hold on that massive topic? Or that they don’t care enough about something that’s really important to you?

How do you tell them that? How do you talk to them about it?

This stuff gives me a ton of anxiety, and I bottle it up and fall silent or behave weirdly. And that’s no good because people, your partner, your family, your friends – they can tell when you’re not yourself.

Talk to them.

Sure, that’s the best advice. But damn is it difficult to do. And it’s scary. Because what if they refuse to change. Or refuse to even acknowledge their behavior or how it makes you feel.

You’ll feel like a crazy person. But I’m sure there are things you do that drive them crazy. Or outlooks on life and other topics you hold that don’t gel with theirs. So it’s even? Everyone is their own brand of crazy? It’s compromise? It’s the acceptance and even the embrace of people’s peccadillos that help relationships forge onward.

But how do you know when something is a dealbreaker in a friendship or partnership? I find this impossible to know. Is it a feeling? Or something that other close relationships can help you see through their eyes? Or a therapist perhaps?

I do know that talking to the person, however uncomfortable and scary, is the way to go. The people you want in your life will hear you, respond lovingly and try to work towards a solution. And if you’re scared to talk to them because you think they won’t change, then it’s on you to decide how important the topic is to you. This is when it becomes difficult and perhaps is the reason you fear talking to them in the first place. You know they won’t change. Talking has confirmed it and now it’s back on you to decide how to proceed.

But you gotta do it. The only way out is through. Whether that’s with them or without them, the only way to get there is by talking to them.

Relationships are hard. Talk to them.